The Rock
On Thursday, October 16th, my roommate Brian and I woke up at 5:30AM,
like we usually do, to go work out at the gym. Anyway, so we’re doing sit-ups
in squash court #3 (which has been converted into a stretching room). It’s
just Brian and me in there,
and Brian is fooling around and while I’m doing sit-ups, he comes over
to me and pretends he’s kicking me or something before he starts doing
sit-ups also. So we’re on our sides doing some oblique sit-ups when this
crazy looking hippie guy walks into the room. He’s got long scraggly hair
and he’s wearing baggy, pastel-colored clothing, and carrying a fist-sized 
rock
on in one hand. He was carrying the rock with his hand up and his arm slightly
outstretched, like he’s ready to use it. He walks in and points at Brian while making kicking motions and mumbling. Then he starts walking
towards me while softly mumbling
incoherently. He sort of walks around
Brian, making his way towards me, staring at me, mumbling and carrying
this rock in his hand, looking like he’s about to toss it at me or something.
And of course, I’m sitting there, on my side with my hands behind me head,
still doing sit-ups while I’m watching this wack guy walking towards me,
and I’m thinking to myself, “What’s he doing? Is he going to toss that
rock at me or what?” And the guy keeps walking closer and I now stop doing
sit-ups but I remain in the same position on my side with my hands still
behind my head as I start wondering, “What is he going
to do? Is he going to beat me with the rock or what?” 
and then he comes
up next to me.
I’m still sitting there on my side, unmoving, while silently
watching this guy towering over me with a rock in his hand, and I’m just
thinking, “What the fuck?” Then he says, “This is my magic rock.” And then
he slowly bends over and touches the rock first to my
ass, and then the side of my stomach for just a second, while mumbling
and saying stuff like, “It’s okay man, it’s just my magic rock.” And then
he stand up again and begins approaching Brian. Brian immediately jumps
up and moves away from the guys, around him so that he ends up with me
(still lying in the same position on the ground) between him and the guy.
The guy is just mumbling and saying, “It’s okay man. It’s all right, it’s
just my magic rock. It’s just my magic rock.” But Brian stand there staring
at him while looking hard and shit so the guys just turns around and leaves.
Reflecting back upon it, it’s one of the funniest things that’s happened
to me all year. It’s fucking ridiculous. This crazy guys touched me on
the ass with his magic rock! Now I get made fun of constantly by my friends
asking if they can touch my ass with their magic stuff.
